The Inner Game of Retirement

By Douglas Watts

Years ago, I watched a football game that planted a seed in my mind. The broadcast announcer mentioned that the highly successful coach Pete Carroll helped one of his football players through a simple gift: The player had all the physical tools and skills to succeed. However, his mind was holding him back. To help him, Carroll gave him a guide to mastering the mental side of a game, a book called The Inner Game of Tennis.

More than a decade later, this anecdote came back to me as I was helping a client decide if they should retire. The client had all the financial resources to ensure economic freedom, but he wasn’t sure how to use the liberty his money and investments provided. His mind was holding him back from happiness in retirement. At that moment, I wished I had a "magic" book like The Inner Game of Tennis that could help with the mental side of retirement.

It turns out that there is at least one.

Dr. Riley Moynes, in his immensely popular book, The Four Phases of Retirement: What to Expect When You’re Retiring, defines the stages as vacation time, feeling loss and feeling lost, trial and error, and reinvest and repurpose. The second phase is the most dangerous because retirees face what Dr. Moynes calls, “The Five Losses.” If you attended the NAPFA Spring Conference in 2023, you might have seen Dr. Moynes’s presentation on “The Four Phases: How to Squeeze all the ‘Juice’ out of Retirement.”

They are the loss of:

• Structure
• Identity
• Relationships
• Purpose
• Power

As advisors, we help clients manage a variety of risks. Why wouldn’t we help clients who are close to retirement manage the risk of getting stuck in phase two of retirement? In my opinion, there are quite a few activities we should encourage clients to do to get their minds as ready as their finances are for retirement.

Based on my reading about successful retirements, I see four activities we should encourage.

Encourage Clients to Go to “Recess”

“Recess is a regularly scheduled period in the school day for physical activity and play,” according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s “Keep Recess in Schools.” Participating in recess helps children enjoy better social interactions and improves their memory, attention, and concentration. These positive results of play make sense to me, and I think play is crucial to having a successful retirement. In my experience, play is essential to growth and happiness. For example, online gaming has allowed me to stay in touch and share experiences with friends around the globe. It was instrumental in helping combat the isolation and loneliness of the pandemic.

An article from the Lifespan Health System, “Recess Isn’t Just for Kids: Adults Need Playtime Too,” does a great job of explaining how retirees can benefit from practicing having fun and exploring what types of activities will bring them joy.

I like Lifespan’s suggestions: “Don’t think of gym time or a workout as your recess. Think beyond exercise and have fun. Try your hand at a paint night, go to a comedy club for some laughs (another trigger for endorphins), volunteer to walk dogs or play with cats at an animal shelter.” Too often as adults, we think of “wasting time” as something to feel guilty about. Instead, encourage clients to practice for the big game of retirement.

Encourage Building Community

One of the themes running through the Lifespan article is that retirees should get outside of their homes and into the community, and this leads to my second recommendation: Find “third places” that are comfortable for you. Third places are social settings beyond work and home. Examples include cafes, gyms, clubs, public libraries, and parks.

“Since the middle of the 20th century, Americans have gotten steadily worse at finding and maintaining their third places,” as MIT AgeLab researcher Adam Felts noted in “Happiness in retirement: one big question to keep in mind,” an article on the MIT AgeLab blog.

This failure to identify a third place is particularly troubling because it can increase the risk of loneliness and social isolation. “Social isolation and loneliness increase risks for a variety of physical and mental conditions, including anxiety, depression, cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease, and even death,” according to the National Institute on Aging’s article on “Social isolation, loneliness in older people pose health risks.” However, the institute also states, “People who engage in meaningful, productive activities with others tend to live longer, boost their mood, and have a sense of purpose. These activities seem to help maintain their well-being and may improve their cognitive function.”

As a result, the MIT AgeLab argues that the most important retirement planning question is “who?” as in the following questions:

Who will care for me? Who do I want to care for? Who are the people I want in my life? Who can I count on? Who matters to me the most?

Help clients to think about the who of their coming retirement.

(This topic is discussed in “Preparing Your Clients for Happiness in Retirement” by Adam Felts of the MIT AgeLab in the November 2023 NAPFA Advisor.)

Encourage Engagement

Third places are great for very casual connections and are often about doing what you enjoy (exercise, reading) but in the presence of others. But deeper connections are important as well. One type that isn’t obvious but which can be helpful for new retirees is what has been called a retirement mentorship program.

Mike Lynch, managing director of applied insights at Hartford Funds, describes them in “Setting Up ‘Retirement Mentorships’ Can Add Value For Advisors” in Financial Advisor magazine. He asserts that advisors who can connect those who are near retirement with clients who are successfully enjoying retirement will add tremendous value.

There can be great comfort and value in learning from the experiences and knowledge of someone further along than you. Clients can appreciate a chance to learn from those who’ve done it, and being a mentor may be a boon for clients who have already retired.

Encourage Intentionality

Lastly, I encourage clients to heed the words of Bo Lozoff, the author of It’s a Meaningful Life: It Just Takes Practice, in his interview with The Sun:

There are three fundamental rules that all the wisdom traditions say can help us accomplish our task if we follow them. The first is to be cautious about materialism. Don’t want too much. Live modestly. The second is to dedicate yourself to something you believe in, something you think is beautiful and important. The third is to commit yourself to a personal spiritual practice that you can follow every day, even if just for a few minutes.

This quote refers to finding meaning within by being intentional about what you want to experience and achieve through your actions. To retire is to start a new phase in life’s journey. It is a rite of passage that can spark renewal but on the other hand can create spiritual or philosophical turmoil. Aging is hard. Change is hard. In the inner game of retirement, it’s important to be intentional about keeping your spirit up.

I hope this article provides you with ideas for additional ways to help clients enjoy the hard work and planning that has afforded them the opportunity to stop working and focus on living.

---

Douglas J. Watts, CFP^®, ChFC^®, CIMA^®, is a wealth advisor with Mercer Advisors. He graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with a degree in philosophy, politics, and economics.

 

image credit: istock.com/monkeybusinessimages