Trusting Your Gut

By Lauren Lindsay, CFP^®

I remember when I became a mom and had all kinds of questions about the basic care and maintenance of my new child. So many people told me to “trust your gut,” which felt like terrible advice. How was I supposed to know how to do something I had never done before, especially when suffering from severe sleep deprivation? At the time I didn’t know exactly what that meant but have learned over the years that this instinct is in fact a real thing; if something feels off with my daughter, it usually is.

The same instinct applies to our jobs. No one knows me better than I do, so if I have reservations or concerns about a situation, I need to heed the warning. I am fortunate to have had some incredible mentors through NAPFA over the years, and as I celebrate 26 years in this profession, it seems like a good time to pay it forward. If your “planner gut” is talking to you, it is important to listen. 

People Are Who They Show You They Are (Usually)  

My grandmother used to tell me that as you age, you become more the essence of yourself, and I now understand exactly what she meant. Over time, she grew sweeter and also more out of touch with reality. I remember she used to tell me bizarre facts about Elvis and when I asked her where she heard this she would reply “It’s in the Enquirer!”—just like in the commercial and without a shred of irony. My other grandmother became angrier as she aged and lashed out with a sharp tongue more often. I watched in fascination as they got older and became more of the essence of who they always had been for the 99 years they were each alive. We hope to work with clients for decades, in some cases for the rest of their lives, so if you have reservations about a prospect at the outset, think about what they may be like in several decades. 

This is a good reminder not only for potential clients but anyone we choose to work with, including centers of influence and even employees. If there is something that doesn’t sit right with you initially, there is a good chance that as they age, that will become more of an issue. I have experienced one exception to that rule: a client who was so nasty to the rest of my office that she wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone but me and the owner because she was too rude to everyone else. She had been fired by CPAs and kicked out of the Social Security office because of the tongue lashings she doled out. She finally got on the medication she had always needed and turned into a lovely person, one who sent me gifts for my wedding and the birth of my daughter. She had a hard life and a lot of losses, and it was a joy to see her happier as she aged due to improved mental health. But this is the exception, rather than the rule, and sometimes you need to get rid of clients who don’t treat you or your staff well. 

Know Your Limits and Your Areas of Expertise

Another gut check I had recently was related to “doing the work”—clients who perhaps need a therapist or even a divorce attorney but decide instead to hire a financial planner. Early in my career I had a couple that very clearly needed marriage counseling, and I told them so, and that was the end of that prospect. However, it was evident in our discovery meeting that I was not going to get anywhere with them, so it was the right call.

A few years back I met with a couple that owned a house and had two children together but were not married. His goals included starting a business and moving to New York City while hers were all focused on building their life and family in Texas. It was heartbreaking but I felt the need to point out their vast differences in what they want in life and urge her to make sure she had estate planning documents in place, especially to protect the minor children. It was evident to me their paths were not leading in the same direction, so creating a financial plan together would be unfeasible. 

Recently, I had a shocking and stunning success. A friend of a friend contacted me to say she was on the verge of divorce if she could not get her spending under control. I met with them, and they agreed this change needed to be made; she had even been in extensive therapy to understand why she spent, which she was incredibly open about. What she needed now was specifics on how to change her behavior, something I thought I could help her with. Over 15 months, we met at least monthly to review her spending and teach her what things she could control (how much she gave to her kids, how much they eat out, etc.) and not control (things that break in the house, unexpected medical expenses, etc.). Due to a miscommunication with their CPA’s office, they had a surprise tax bill this past year—but due to her savings and planning they had more than enough to cover it and keep their emergency fund healthy. I recently “graduated” her, and she sent me flowers and thanked me for changing her life and saving her marriage. It must be said that had she not first done the work with her therapist, we would not have had the success we did. 

Refer Out When Appropriate 

I had a brief stint at a trust company and very quickly realized it was not for me but continued to try to “make it work” for months after I should have left. And so fellow NAPFA planners, one of the lessons we learn constantly in this job is that life is too short, and no one knows how much time they have. If we can all learn to better trust our gut, we can perhaps save ourselves from mistakes we should not have made in the first place. We cannot “fix” everyone and everything but we have an extensive network of planners who might be able to help if we cannot. I refer out when it is beyond my scope, and it can be humbling to admit I don’t know it all. I do know what I am good at and who I can help, and these days I am trusting my gut a lot more. I urge you to do the same. You will thank me in 20-plus years! 

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Lauren Gadkowski Lindsay has 26 years of planning experience and is passionate about comprehensive, Fee-Only financial planning. She works at Beacon Financial Planning, a firm founded by her mother, Linda Gadkowski. Based in Houston, Texas, she’s worked virtually since 2008 and thus has clients all over the world.  

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