PRACTICAL OBSERVATIONS
An Annual Tradition: Birthday Letters to My Grandchildren
By Lydia Sheckels
When my grandchildren were born five weeks apart in 2014, I realized that I might not be alive by the time they are adults. I wanted to give them a gift of memories of each year. With that motivation, I was drawn to the idea of a “Time Capsule,” or memory box, that I found offered by a company called Personal Creations. For their first birthdays, I ordered a personalized Time Capsule box for each of them in which their parents can keep mementos from their childhood and youth. The boxes can be used to store baby shoes, toys, or outfits that they may treasure in the future. Our boxes are to be opened when they are age 21—but this can be customized for any age.
At about the same time, I read an article about the importance of leaving your handwriting for future generations because handwritten notes are very personal expressions. I treasure letters that I have kept from my parents, grandparents, relatives, and friends—it’s one more way of keeping them close. I decided that in addition to keeping mementos, I would write a birthday letter to each grandchild to add to their memory box. I started by handwriting letters and sealing them to be opened at a later age. On each birthday, I would give the letters to each of our children to add to our grandchildren’s time capsule boxes.
I approach each letter as a summary of the highlights of our time together and the milestones that they reached during the prior year. I add some of my hopes for them based on what I observe about their talents and skills. Fortunately, I decided to keep a copy for myself, which came in handy when I realized that the format I was using might be outdated for this generation.
Handwritten Letters—Will They Know How to Read Them?
At the 2018 NAPFA Fall Conference in Philadelphia, I attended Susan Turnbull’s session on creating your own ethical will—a letter or collection of letters to share your values, hopes, and perspective with your loved ones. My “aha” moment came when someone mentioned that many children are no longer taught to read cursive in schools.
This made me wonder if my efforts to share my annual memories would go unread in the future, and I didn’t want to take the chance of them needing an app to “translate” my handwriting. For their next birthdays, I decided to convert all their prior letters to Word documents, which gave me the option of adding pictures.
The Next Innovation: Adding My Favorite Pictures
The pictures that accompany the letters are of places we have experienced together, including trips and family gatherings or pictures shared by their parents. Themes often emerge that help me draft the letters. For example, my grandson had an early interest in reptiles and critters, so his birthday letters focused on the snakes and turtles he had found and often held. My granddaughter loves to make complex structures with Magna-Tiles and is very crafts-oriented. Now that both are involved in soccer and other activities, the range of topics to choose from has broadened.
Living in a digital world makes a project like this much easier than it was with my handwritten notes. You can determine how much text, if any, and pictures to include with captions. Some memories are best captured with words that can express what touched you most about the experience, and sometimes a picture is worth more than a thousand words. As they have gotten older and there are more memories to keep track of, I have maintained a journal of family events and keep an album in my cell phone gallery called “birthday letters,” where I save pictures that I may want to use for their next birthday. Any pictures that I get from texts, WhatsApp, etc., are helpful in this regard.
We are very blessed to have our granddaughter a few blocks away and our grandson about five miles away, so we see each other often enough to capture our own memories. For those who live a distance from their grandchildren, it helps to create a library of the pictures you receive during the year.
In 2022, our daughter remarried, bringing two more grandsons to the family. They currently spend the school year in a different state, so I must rely heavily on pictures that are shared to supplement those from the times that we are all together. I hope to start their birthday letters in 2023. It’s never too early to begin compiling ideas.
When to Let Them Know about Their Letters
So much like her mother, my granddaughter notices when she has anything that looks like mail addressed to her, and it was an awakening for me to realize that it is a gift for me to see my grandchildren’s reactions to their birthday letters. Since then, I’ve presented the letters in unsealed envelopes and handed the letters to them with their birthday presents. If they are not able to read it by themselves, they can focus on the pictures while a parent reads the letter to them. Now that they are both eight years old, they are able to read the letters by themselves. I leave it to their parents to add them to their time capsule boxes.
My granddaughter thinks it’s very cool that she has a special box in her closet keeping all these memories. Some grandparents may decide to let everything accumulate until the child reaches a certain age, but I have chosen to share this experience with them along the way so that they know how much our times together mean to me and to remind them of some of their interests and accomplishments.
Speak from the Heart
Depending on the number and sizing of pictures that I include, I keep the length to one or two pages. I like to speak from the heart, but your letters can take any format. They don’t have to be written at any set frequency and can be spontaneous when you have a memory that you want to capture and share. I chose birthdays for my annual cycle because it is a time for gifts. My grandchildren probably won’t remember the toys or games that they received, but I hope that my letters will give them a legacy when they are older. Just in case I won’t be there to express my love and pride when they are adults, I hope that my letters convey those emotions long after I am gone.
This is a gift that truly gives back. I enjoy reading my copies of the letters periodically to remember the highlights of their/our lives and reflect on how much they have grown.
Finally, you need not limit this tradition to children or grandchildren. If you have someone special in your life with whom you want to share your memories, start by putting your thoughts together—you don’t need a memory box to share your feelings!
Lydia Sheckels is chief investment officer-emeritus and senior financial advisor for Wescott Financial Advisory Group LLC, headquartered in Philadelphia. Lydia is a past chair of the NAPFA Board of Directors and has been a NAPFA member since 1993.
image credit: istock.com/phototechno