PRACTICAL OBSERVATIONS

Engaging Women’s Wealth through Inclusive Family Meetings

By Cassandra Smalley

Women’s consumer purchasing habits have a strong influence on our economy.¹ Although women make up half of the population, studies have shown that women control over 85% of consumer spending decisions.² From new home purchases to electronics and groceries to travel, women take the leadership role in decisions about household finances.³

However, I noticed in engagements with couples that it was not uncommon for the man in the relationship to take the lead role over the investments while the woman often delegated to her partner, preferring to be less involved. This pattern made me curious.

Obviously, women need to be involved in their financial lives. The question is why are they less involved—and what can be done about it? I researched those issues for my book, The Why of Wealth: Mastering the Steps to a Wealthy Mindset to Live a Joyful Life. One idea that can have a profoundly positive effect is to hold family meetings that focus not on an ongoing financial review but instead on a big-picture look at a broader range of issues, concerns, and the act of passing down family wisdom to the next generation.

Why Women Should Take the Lead

We know that women live longer on average, so it can be argued that they need even more financial resources than men to support their longer, active lifestyles. We know that career breaks for caregiving roles, gender pay gaps, gender wealth gaps, gender investment gaps, the growing prevalence of “gray divorce,” and so on affect women more than men. To top it off, studies show that 80% of women will be responsible for handling their own wealth or caring for others during their lifetimes.⁴

Moreover, women who delegate investment decisions throughout their lives tend to run into trouble after critical life events, such as losing a spouse, separating from their partner, or stepping in to care for another. They may feel frantic, unsure of where accounts are held, uncertain where to find missing passwords, statements, and bills, and confused about what to do next.

We should ensure our clients confront these factors head-on, but our awareness doesn’t always lead to action.

Potential Experiences with Financial Services that May Have Disengaged Women

Why do some women shy away from engaging in conversations about managing investments and longer-term opportunities despite their importance? Here are some potential factors:

Lack of Representation – Women may feel less connected to the process when they are not able to work with an advisor who is similar to them. Today, women account for less than 25% of financial planners.⁵
Unsettling Financial Journalism – In an effort to sell a story, some news outlets perpetuate market fear, anxiety, and messages that encourage the allure of quick trades and fast money.
Sales Culture – Perhaps a subset of bad actors posing as holistic advisors cost them their trust when the experience felt like they were talking with a used car salesman trying to close a deal for a quick commission.
Money Messages from Childhood – Women and girls tend to hear conversations about saving money and being cautious, while men and boys hear more positive messages about taking risks and investing.⁶ Successful financial management requires both smart saving and smart investing.
Money Shame – Could the fear of judgment and shame for spending decisions, such as messages that blame frequent coffee and self-care purchases, be the reason women have distanced themselves from financial planning meetings?

If these are their experiences, why would women want to be involved in managing their finances?

Pivoting the Conversation: Inviting Family to Meetings

How can we empower women to get engaged and excited about the conversations that will directly affect their future lifestyles? Being aware of some of the unique financial hurdles that women face and how previous experiences may have distanced one from investment-focused meetings allows you to create new ways to make a meaningful impact. Pivoting the conversation toward the people and values that matter most in their lives, advisors become not just financial guides but trusted partners in the journey to achieve a fulfilling and secure future. The outcome is a deeper, more holistic connection rooted in trust and shared objectives that extend far beyond the balance sheet and the Monte Carlo simulations.

In financial planning, few actions are as crucial and often overlooked as initiating family meetings. Family meetings are an opportunity to open lines of communication and to create transparency and preparedness between parents and children or those close to the family. Meetings may be called due to major life events (births, deaths, marriages, or divorces), when reviewing or updating estate plans, during financial challenges or critical decisions, or as a quarterly or annual review. The best way to facilitate a family meeting is by setting an agenda to keep the meeting focused and productive, choosing a moderator such as a financial planner, estate attorney, or neutral family member, and holding the meeting in a neutral location or virtually, if needed, to bring everyone together.

To encourage healthy money conversations, I center financial planning conversations not on numbers and probabilities of success but on how to best secure the family’s future. I seek to provide support before life-changing events, which increases my connection to the client and those who matter most in their lives. Family meetings offer a unique opportunity to reengage clients by involving them in meaningful conversations about their financial legacy, life goals, and values. They often lead to crucial conversations that clients may have postponed or not even be aware are important, allowing them to address pressing concerns and make informed decisions when they are not in a crisis.

The Benefits of Calling a Family Meeting

Encouraging clients to hold a family meeting can enhance the advisor-client relationship, reengage a client who tends to delegate investment-related conversations, and ensure that both parties are well-prepared for changing life circumstances. You are building a bridge between your client and their family, allowing opportunities to pass down financial wisdom, ease conflicts and concerns, and work collectively as a family unit to make pivotal financial decisions. As an advisor, it is important to spark dialogue, break down barriers, and ease tensions that are often associated with financial conversations and conversations that involve mortality.

During family meetings, the client does not need to share their detailed financial picture or how much the next generation may inherit if they are not comfortable doing so. Instead, focus on what legacy means to the family, provide financial education, open lines of communication, and, most importantly, provide family members with a point of contact should an emergency arise. These are all good ways to engage women more in their finances.

Family meetings help to:

Clarify Financial Goals – Family meetings provide a dedicated time to discuss shared goals such as saving for retirement, college, a second home, family vacations, new business opportunities, support of a family member, aging in place, lifestyle changes, gifting, or charitable intentions.
Align Values and Expectations – Each person brings a different life experience and perspective that has influenced their money patterns and behaviors. A structured session allows everyone’s voice to be heard and sets expectations about how decisions are made.
Plan for Emergencies – Family meetings are an ideal forum to discuss emergency plans, whom to contact, and what steps to take. Those who are named as power of attorney, health care proxy, successor trustee, guardians, or other positions will need to know where to find important documents such as wills, insurance policies, and financial account information. These individuals will need to know the client’s wishes for their actions in these roles.
Educate the Next Generation – These meetings are a great opportunity to improve younger family members’ financial literacy to give them a head start on their financial journey. It can increase confidence in the value you bring so they are more likely to engage with you in the future. I have found this to be valuable in connecting with adult children at all stages of life—from those who are entering the workforce for the first time through those who are months away from retiring.
Resolve Conflicts – Financial planners and their team of professionals, i.e., estate planning attorneys and CPAs, play a pivotal role. Their neutrality and expertise can alleviate tension, disagreements, and conflict and help family members find compromises. Working through difficult conversations in advance can create a sense of calm during times that are often wrought with emotion.

If clients are not ready to invite family to meetings, provide conversation starters and coaching on the language to use. For clients who have not engaged in these conversations before, explaining how to approach family members can be an equally valuable lesson.

Together, we can elevate women’s voices at the financial table, foster a more welcoming and inclusive experience for those who commonly delegate in client meetings, and turn women into participants who are more active and involved. Create a positive experience that goes beyond the numbers to the people, missions, and passions that matter most to each of our clients.

1. “Women Primed and Ready for Progress.” Nielsen. October 2019.
2. “Purchasing Power of Women.” FONA International. Dec. 22, 2014.
3. “Statistics on the Purchasing Power of Women.” Girl Power Marketing. Accessed October 2023.
4. “Own Your Worth: How Women Can Break the Cycle of Abdication and Take Control of Their Wealth.” UBS. Accessed October 2018.
5. “CFP Board Exceeds 95,000 CFP^® Professionals, Increases Gender and Racial Diversity of Financial Planning Profession.” CFP Board. Jan. 19, 2023.
6. Newcomb, Michael D. and Jerome Rabow. 2006. “Gender, Socialization, and Money.” Journal of Applied Social Psychology Volume 29, no. 4: 852-869.

Cassandra Smalley, CFA, CFP^®, is the founder of Cassandra Smalley Wealth Management, author of The Why of Wealth: Mastering the Steps to a Wealthy Mindset to Live a Joyful Life, and speaker for women’s wealth events and financial workshops.

image credit: istock.com/Pekic