Language Matters with Michael Riegel

Language Matters

When I was growing up, much like many of you, I was told “sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you.” With all apologies to my parents, elders, and teachers, they could not have been more wrong. The likelihood of being confronted with really sharp and divisive language is much higher than the risk of physical harm. Even on the school yard with its inherent pushing and shoving. Often, the scars from language are longer lasting. Think about a child who grew up being told that they were ugly or stupid or fat and the lasting impact on self-esteem.

I don’t know if we can calculate the effect on future performance, earnings, or the opportunities presented but I can imagine that it is not insignificant. As a parent of twins, I have been mindful of my use of language and that certain words are more challenging than others. And we had to deal with the fallout. My daughter was the valedictorian of their graduating class and a top math student. The compliments and accolades came easily. Our son would get – why aren’t you as smart as your sister or why aren’t your grades as good as your sister? Heartbreaking.

 Impact and Intent

In workshops and keynotes, I find myself coming back to this idea frequently. Use of language is often the difference between impact and intent. A loose or unconscious choice of language can have unintended consequences. I don’t mean the kind like addressing a group to get attention as “guys” though I know some can take offense. I think about women who self-advocate being called bossy or worse. Many will shrink back from their aspirations or potential when they get that message. That is shameful.

Voluntarily Diluting Power

In high school, I took an English class which was fundamentally a writing and literature class. The teacher would penalize students for nebulous words like “nice” and “fine” and “very”. Words we use all the time but have little meaning or additive to an argument. It was beneficial when I had to write one-page case studies in business school. It is challenging to distill complicated cases to roughly 500 words. No shrinking margins or fonts allowed. My point is that using generalized terms reduces the power of an argument. That power is fully within your grasp and I implore you to protect it zealously.

Whether you fancy yourself a wordsmith or loathe the idea of writing or speaking for impact and persuasion, our attention to the language we use or accept can be critical to success. I suspect we have all had a negative experience associated with a particular word or descriptor. I believe in leading by example and have tried to model that for my teams, colleagues, clients, and most importantly my kids. It is also important to remember that humans are flawed and make mistakes. Perhaps the two most powerful and healing words are “I’m sorry.”

MRiegel@AECBusinessStrategies.com https://michaelriegel.substack.com/

516-238-0859