I probably heard this about a thousand times throughout my adolescence and adulthood from my parents. Generally, it followed some disappointing experience that was akin to “look on the bright side” which, we all can agree, is not all that helpful. Over time, though, I came to understand the wisdom and power of recognizing that a loss may not actually be a loss. The loss could be a new job, a promotion, a house, or a raise.
What changed? I came to realize that I had not always put in the work to examine what I wanted (and why it was important) and the impact of getting it. It slowly came into focus that the loss was the best thing that could have happened. This is not the “when one door closes, another opens” advice. Loss provides the opportunity to look inward for clarity and purpose.
Accepting a loss can be hard. You will feel a range of emotions. Anything from anger to disappointment to disgust to sadness. Let the emotional impact run its course but don’t ignore them and hope they will just go away. Talk about them or write about them. Find a productive way to process them and move forward.
Getting ahead is getting past the loss. By examining the loss, you may realize that what you thought you wanted might not actually get you to your desired goal. A client recently expressed wanting to look for a new opportunity. It came from her colleagues leaving to take on new roles. In looking inward, she realized she was in a great place to do good work, grow professionally, and maintain balance. She did not have to suffer a real loss to get to that realization.
Avoid someone else’s definition of success. Loss can be seen as a mismatch between what we want and what we think we want. What we think we want is often the reflection of the outside view of what we “should” want. Be willing to put in the work to examine where you are, where you want to go, why that is important, and the impact of getting what you want.
It can feel uncomfortable to go against conventional approach or the expected career path. Finding the strength to resist “going with the flow” will hopefully land you in a place of success and fulfillment. And, when you look back, I hope you can smile and realize that those losses really wins all along. You can reach me at MRiegel@AECBusinessStrategies.com.
Michael Riegel