According to a report this past week by the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Atlanta, Ga., USA, Georgia-Pacific  (G-P), Atlanta, Ga., maker of Quilted Northern toilet paper, wants to offer a more substantial brand, and so is introducing "Quilted Northern Rustic Weave," with the motto: "craft you feel in every square."

"Authentic," said the tongue-in-cheek video (which you can watch online). "Bespoke. Raw. Artisanally-crafted toilet paper. Hand-pulped. And hand-perforated. The way toilet paper used to be."

 

The April fool's day advertisement, though a rather obvious parody, conveys an important message G-P and other tissue manufactures would like to point out: although no such brand as this actually existed, since at least the 1970s, tissue brands have employed new technologies and processing methods to make them softer than ever before.  

The Onion-worthy kicker to the video tells us Rustic Weave is "also available in Small Batch, Cedar Loom, and Extra Virgin Birch."