If you attended my Relationology workshop at the VAMA 2014 Conference this year you’ll remember that I shared that I don’t like seafood. Not. At. All. Not even in the vicinity of close! 

The funny part of that is I’m of Asian ancestry (which is well known for having seafood as a part of their diets), I grew up on Oahu (which is, you know, an island-surrounded by seafood!) and ever since I was a kid I’ve never liked it. Unfortunately this created issues for my parents who had to often cook something else just so I would eat. So, while the family was having seafood, I was probably eating spam. 

What really used to bug me as I grew up was that when people found out I didn't like seafood, they would usually tell me one of these things:

"Oh, you just haven’t had it the right way!"

"You’re missing out!"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Are you sure you don’t like it? Maybe you just haven’t tried the right kind of seafood!"

Have you experienced something similar in your life? Isn't it frustrating when you feel the need to defend why you like what you do, or don’t like what you don’t? Isn't it maddening when you have to defend who you are, what you’re about, what you like and what you don’t? 

In short, doesn't it stink when the people around you choose not to accept you for who you are?

Of course it does!

 

Here is something to consider then~If you want people to appreciate what you bring to the table, you need to appreciate what they bring to the table as well.

We all have a burning desire to "be seen." Have you ever walked into a room full of people you didn't know? For many (including me) that is one of the most uncomfortable experiences! Doesn't it feel GREAT when someone calls your name and you can finally have someone to talk to, instead of wandering aimlessly pretending to be talking on your cell phone? 

So take the time to see people Help them feel important, valued and cared for~in the ways that they would feel important, valued and cared for~not in the ways you would! You’d be surprised as how much power a smile, a "thank you", a word of encouragement, validating their points of view, or a simple acknowledgement can have in the people around you. 

Second~give people the freedom and encouragement to be authentic with you. So many of us walk around hiding who we really are trying to "play it safe." Yet, that’s not where we want to live—so encourage people to be themselves around you, even if, well especially if, they’re different from you! 

In other words, if someone doesn't like seafood and you love it~it’s okay to not make him feel bad that he doesn't like it! 

When you do this, you’ll be the kind of person who brightens a room when you walk in, as opposed to someone who brightens a room when you walk out.